IF PULP FICTION WAS REMADE

Warning: Spoilers ahead. Also, if I have to warn you about spoilers of a movie that is going to celebrate its 25th anniversary in a year, then...........

Pulp Fiction is my most favourite Hollywood movie. Each and every character is memorable with even more memorable one-liners. There's not a single actor, major or minor, that didn't have a line that hasn't been parodied or referenced in pop culture. Of all the characters, my favourite is "The Wolf". The role is hardly 15 minutes long and yet had so many indelible lines like "Let's not start sucking each other's d*cks yet", "Pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the f*ckin' car" and the best of them all, "Spoken like a true prodigy". 

I have always wondered which Indian actor would be perfect for the role of Mr. Wolf and ultimately decided that the one and only Superstar Rajinikanth would do. He is simply the only man oozes the cool and charm to pull it off. Not to mention the calm to complete a frenetic job. Just imagine him saying, "Ha ha aṅga pōga 30 nimiśam āgum, enakku pattu pōdum" (It's 30 minutes away, I'll be there in 10). It's simply awesome innit? 

What stops us from just restricting it to just The Wolf? Why not pick the entire cast? I am going to pick actors from the industries that I am familiar with, Bombay & Chennai mostly. A major issue is the language of the remake. I have decided to go The Wages of Fear (Le salaire de la peur) way. If you weren't aware, The Wages of Fear is a French-Italian film set in a nondescript multi-lingual South American village where each villager or outsider is able to understand most of the Romance languages (Italian, French, Spanish, Portuguese) but speaks in their own native tongue. That is exactly how this is movie will be. Without further adieu, these are my picks for the rest of the cast:

Pumpkin: Kamalagaasan

The sweet talking, cockney-accented thief. I think Kamalagaasan with his predilection to speak in Madras Bhashai will fit this role to the T.  Pumpkin talks a lot at first but has emote without speaking with Jules' gun is pointed at him. Few Indian actors can do loquacious & laconic with equal ease like Kamalagaasan. It's a no-brainer mefinks.

Honey Bunny: Sridevi

Honey Bunny played by the real life daughter of Captain Von Trapp is a bit of a quirky, zany and insecure character. Sridevi easily wins this. Remember her facial expressions going through 5 stages of grief after the kids stole the ball in Mr. India? Piece o' cake.

Vincent Vega: Amitabh Bachchan

The taciturn hitman. AB is perfect for it with the morose and monotonous look the role demands. He also has the ability to turn on the charms for Mia Wallace and the debilitating fear that can envelope him when Mia is overdosing.

Jules Winnfield: Nana Patekar

The Lewis to Vincent's Martin: the garrulous hitman. Nana Patekar with his over the top antics would be perfect to deliver "The path of righteous man" or some equivalent from the upaniṣads. Hard to argue against Anna not being right for Sam Jackson's career defining role.

Brett: Brahmanandam 

The insecure guy caught in Marsellus Wallace's vice-like grip. Haven't we seen Brahmanandam do this role 100s of times in Telugu movies with ease and make us laugh almost every time? Can you just imagine Nana Patekar going "Say what again, say what one more god damn time!" and Brahmanandam squirm in his chair. I am LMAO ROFLing just imagining it.

Marsellus Wallace: Prem Chopra

The calm, calculative gangster. It's tailor-made for Prem Chopra who rarely yelled or ranted like the movie villains of yore. Whatever he lacks in the imposing figure of Ving Rhames, he'll make up with his charms and diction. Is there a better choice? Possibly but that doesn't mean this one's bad.


Butch Coolidge: Mohanlal

Another character that rarely speaks. Mohanlal is my choice. Think of the commissioner from Company or Georgekutty. Hardly spoke a word but carried his role with much poise. There is no way you'd doubt Mohanlal's Butch is going to do what he's going to do with his deadpan face throughout the movie.

Captain Koons: M N Nambiar

Chris Walken is my most favourite Hollywood actor after Aah-nald. I think he's close to the most irreplaceable actor in Pulp Fiction. His lack of punctuation whilst speaking, random voice modulations, working a little jig into the scene are almost inimitable. No wonder that his impressions by Mohr, Spacey, Pollak etc etc are some of the funniest material you'll ever see. My choice for this superb cameo: M N Nambiar. His voice modulations & random punctuations would be perfect for an Indian Chris Walken. The fact that it goes against his typecast roles only adds to the mystique of Captain Koons.

Lance: Goundamani

King Goundar is my choice for Lance the drug dealer. Him crying for life and going mental when Mia has ODed and is fighting for her life. "You brought her here, that means you give her the shot. The day I bring an ODing bitch to your place, then I gotta give her the shot." It will be a laugh riot in Goundar's voice modulation.

Jody: Oorvasi

Lance's wife. My choice is the underrated and under-appreciated Oorvasi. She's an amazing comic actress with excellent timing and would be perfect to add fuel to the chaotic fire already around. Oorvasi, with "all the sh*t in her face", would really be "f*ckin' trippy".

Mia Wallace: Madhuri Dixit

I cannot think of anyone else other than Madhuri Dixit for Mia. I think she'll be the best trophy wife for a gangster. Why wouldn't Marsellus Wallace almost kill the half-black, half-Samoan Tony Rocky Horror for making a pass at the ethereal Madhuri? Her "ditzyness" with AB's Vince would be a thing of beauty. For Madhuri "I'd say God Damn! God Damn!".

Esmarelda Villalobos: Manorama

The evergreen Manorama who could play any kind of role with utter ease is my pick for the tension-filled cab ride from the fight to Butch's hotel. Mohanlal & Manorama discussing quasi-philosophical stuff for the entirety of the ride would be too much fun.

Fabienne: Amala

Half-Bengali Half-Irish Amala rounds off the cast with the role of Butch's girlfriend, Fabienne. Do you really want me to explain why she's suited for the role?

Jimmy: Vijay Sethupathi

Vijay Sethupathi as the foul-mouthed, angry husband awaiting his wife's return from the night shift as AB & Nana put a dead body in his garage. It really can't go wrong, can it?

Winston Wolf: Rajinikanth

This casting choice was the starting point of the entire post. 'Nuff said.

Director: Radha Mohan

A slightly left-field choice perhaps but I think it's still a good one. Pulp Fiction in general is a very sombre, slightly slow-paced with movie with sudden bursts of action. Radha Mohan's movies are generally similarly paced. So like Virat Kohli backed Talent instead of Rahane, I am backing Radha Mohan over other more-accomplished more famous directors.

There you have it. My cast for the Indian remake of Pulp Fiction. I think I've made a nice rounded choice. There are no right answers in this hypothetical exercise. I have my biases and so do you. What would be your choices? Copy paste this and leave your replies, if you even get this far.

Pumpkin:
Honey Bunny:
Vincent Vega:
Jules Winnfield:
Brett:
Marsellus Wallace:
Butch Coolidge:
Lance:
Jody:
Mia Wallace:
Esmarelda Villalobos:
Fabienne:
Jimmy:
Winston Wolf:
Director: