RAHUL GANDHI IS MY HERO

Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; that's a fantasy camp.

- George Costanza

First read this post by Hawkeyeview. I'll wait.

.

.

.

.

You done? Aight let's go.

In the eyes of manyall progressive people of this country, Rahul Gandhi is the only hope against Nazifascistpatriarchalregressivebrahminicalbaniyacalminoritiesgenocideoverseeing Narendra Modi. They'll list 2002 reasons without thinking and in one breath as to why Narendra Modi shouldn't be allowed to live, let alone contest in elections. Hypothetically, if Narendra Modi was to be hanged, Prashant Bhushan & co would have midnight petitions to advance his hanging. He's the anti-Yakub Memon that way.

This hatred comes from their belief that NaMo is an unabashedly undhimmified Hindu. He doesn't do iftar parties. He refuses to wear skull cap. He refuses to be photographed among kullā pōtta sullās to show his "secularity". He dares to go to kumbh melā. He dares to do gangā ārti. He refuses to prostrate before the Temple of Lutyens. All massive blows to the humongous 70 year old Lutyens' ego. It's a different matter that Modi Sarkar has not only not discontinued Congress' sectarian minority schemes but also created multiple new sectarian schemes, some of which he vehemently opposed as Gujarat CM. But that is irrelevant for our High Priests of Lutyens. He must tow their line or else....

Though I want Congress & its variants to be utterly annihilated, let me state this unequivocally: Rahul Gandhi is my hero. Always has been. He's a rich man's version of the dude in the post I shared earlier. He's the G.O.A.T Slacker. As an aspirational slacker, he's God to me. I mean look at him. He's unqualified to be even a doorman. A job whose literal description is: opening & closing doors and yet literally crores of people think he's worthy of being Prime Minister. 

He cannot remove people from an empty room and yet many think he can remove tens of crores of people from poverty. He cannot string two sentences together without lies or errors and yet Lutyens thinks he is Socrates & Ādiśankara rolled into one. He's almost always unstably high and yet he's a stable genius. He's not even a specialist in mediocrity like Shahid Afridi. He's literally a specialist in failure. Even in the stereotypical war torn African country, raging with malnutrition and illiteracy, he would be laughed off into exile but he's still going to be an excellent supremo according to his Pidis.

Jose Mourinho won the Premier League as recently as 2015 with 3 games to spare and an 8 point margin. He won the Europa League just two years ago and yet he's nearly a pariah today. A significant percent of Barça fans want their manager, Valverde who has virtually sealed back to back league/cup doubles, gone because he failed to win the Champions League in his first season! Pep Guardiola has won league titles in every season of management but 2. He broke the 100 point barrier last season and looks good to defend his title. But he's Fraudiola for not having won Champions League for 8 years. Philadelphia Eagles were booed by their fans midway last season. Why is that surprising? They were reigning champions! 

In an increasingly "What have you done for me lately?" World, Rahul Gandhi has failed in election after election for 10 years now with zero damage to his credibility. A BJP leader's grandchild finishing 3rd in class pupil leader election sees a flurry of articles headlined "Has Rahul Gandhi arrived?", "Has Rahul come of age?", "Rahul is Pappu no more". Look at the election results last December. Rajasthan (generally an anti-incumbent populace) & Chhattisgarh (was expected to go in 2013 itself but won in a Modi wave) were expected BJP losses and Madhya Pradesh was an extremely tight Congress win (114-109 with 7 seats having less than a 1000 vote margin). Pappu became odds on favourite to win 550 seats out of 543. Back in 2013, BJP had absolutely pulverized Congress in corresponding elections but it was still a mountain to climb for unknown Modi.

Narendra Modi & Amit Shah have won election after election in these 5 years. They have deftly stitched many alliances. They are working 10 times as hard as Rahul even though they are incumbents and yet they have still not proven themselves. Pappu on seeing the writing on the wall in Amethi, ran away to the comfortable confines of thulukkan majority Wayanad to win with zero effort. He's a genius who wants to include the United States of South India that has been neglected by BJP.  His asinine utterances like "every selfie takes a job away from India & gives it to China", "Modi gave 30,000 crores to Ambani", "I want to see Made in Madhya Pradesh coconut" will lead to job creation according his minions. I mean who has this kind of luck bestowed upon them? 

He's stupid. He's lazy. He's illiterate. He's retarded. He's unqualified. He's downright deranged. Yet he's going to be the best Prime Minister ever. People should spend their entire lives' savings to live the life of Pappu.

These are reasons why Rahul Gandhi is my hero and my personal God.